Here’s what /u/Pale-Display has to say about it:
I've been together with my fiancee for four years and we are currently set to get married this summer. I have trouble thinking of any major issues we have had in our time together prior to this incident and we have lived together during very personal stressful times (grad school and a cancer scare on my end), so I think that meant something.
She is adopted, and I thought her family [54 M, 53 F, 24 M, 22 M] was wonderful. I don't have a family and hers was incredibly welcoming to me and seemed like fantastic people. Her and all her siblings are adopted (two from the same family) and all are Deaf, including parents. They consider themselves part of the deaf community and it is very important to them.
I suffer from moderate hearing loss I received as an adult following a traumatic brain injury, and she is Deaf. We actually met shortly after I first lost my hearing and was still dealing with the adjustment and she helped me a lot during the transition.
Last weekend her and I visited her home for the weekend, and she went a day earlier than me. When I came the next day I instantly noticed that everyone there was in a horrible mood. I asked my fiancee why and she told me that her sister had tried visiting the day before.
She had mentioned that she had a younger sister who she hadn't seen for five years who the family didn't have contact with. She never went into details about it, and I interpreted the situation with the small info I got that her sister was a drug addict who refused to get better.
This wasn't the case. The day after my fiancee gave me a clearer picture of the story. Basically her sister expressed interest in getting cochlear implants and the family shut her down on it, and she went ahead and began the process herself when she turned eighteen and the family (my fiancee included) decided that they were no longer going to consider her part of the family or speak to her. When she came to visit and try to fix things they shut her out again.
I knew that her and her family were generally not fond of cochlear implants but not to this degree. Long story short I'm absolutely DISGUSTED with this behavior and I have no idea how to respond. I did a pretty bad job of hiding how repulsed I was by this and how much it threw me off and I left early after making a bad excuse that I needed to leave. I understand that the implants themselves are a contentious issue to the DC and even though I disagree I can understand the viewpoint and see it as legitimate, but to do what they did literally makes me want to vomit. She has zero regret over her choice.
I feel like I have no idea who she or her family is anymore. If we had a kid did something she disagreed with would she DISOWN them like this? It's so callous, I literally have trouble saying that I feel any love for her at all right now. She called me multiple times trying to "soften" the story up (I think she expected me to take her side?) and make herself seem better but it still sounds awful even with her prettying it up. How could it not?
TL;DR: My Deaf fiancee and her family disowned her younger sister who tried to get (and eventually got, but after the fact) cochlear implants. They don't regret it at all and it's such a horrible mark on her character I'm seriously considering calling off the marriage and ending our relationship.
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