Here’s what /u/Straw8 has to say about it:
I'd just like a bit of support or different viewpoint from some of you in relation to me calling things off with a girl I'd been speaking to for a few months.
We had been speaking since late August after I asked for her number in my local pub, started off very strongly from her side and we spoke almost every day until last week when I decided to call things off for a number of reasons, it's just beating me up quite a lot at the moment.
So, started speaking was all going really well, then my uncle died unexpectedly and I fell into a bit of depression, she'd ask me to go out and I'd be reluctant as I just wasn't in the best frame of mind – we'd still speak all day every day through text and phone calls but I just couldn't muster up the motivation to go out and put a smile on all night. Few weeks later everything started to lift and we started to go out on dates, nothing major – local pubs and such. Then she'd ring me to go out in her car with her and smoke (cigarettes not pot), which I did – we'd sit for hours talking and having a laugh but I started to recognise that she'd never ask me anything, it'd just be a long vent from her, telling me stories of this that and the other about her work day and how her mates were shit…I didn't think much of it, as I'm a better listener than I am a talker, but it started to grate when I did speak up and she'd find a way to twist everything back onto her. I didn't really say anything about it annoying me because it's not really my thing, but I think it sat in the back of my mind a bit.
Around a month ago, we both started to get sick of going out in the car all of the time so I asked her if she'd like to go for a meal and maybe go to the cinema or bowling, just something a bit different. She seemed up for going out but kept saying she was busy or didn't really have the time to anything because of her work. She'd still ring me every night without fail but she'd always find something to do other than go out – we'd stopped going out in the car at the point too. Around three weeks ago, she had been complaining about being really ill and not being up for doing anything due to her energy being drained all of the time – I was understanding of everything as I know what it's like when you've not been well but red flags started waving when she texted me to say she was at her mates (a dude) decorating, she'd sent me pictures of the newly wallpapered walls etc but I just kept thinking, if she can decorate surely she can sit through a film.
It got to three weeks of me asking her to go out before I raised it, I just said – if you wanted to see me you would but I don't seem to be a priority at all…I just feel like I'm being taken on a ride. She rang me flipping out, saying 'why should I be a priority over her lifelong friends, when I couldn't even be bothered taking her out' which confused me as all I'd tried to do for weeks was take her out. She started bringing up that I wasn't bothered at the start of us seeing each other, when she knew what had happened with my uncle and how it was having an impact on my mental health. Everything just seemed to be my fault…after a week of her being frosty with me and her continually having a go at me over things that had happened months prior (me talking to her friend for 5 minutes at a party we were at :\) I decided to just call it off, I texted her to say I think we should leave it and she flipped out again, bringing up everything and anything she could. I just said I assumed she couldn't be bothered with anything as all she seemed to do was attack and bring up things that had happened months ago to justify her own recent behaviours, to which she started saying I had issues and I needed to stop being so paranoid because I'd sabotaged everything by being suspicious of her. I'd never been suspicious, I'd simply said, If I was going to a girls house to decorate and backhanding every suggestion to go out how would she feel. I texted her the other day to apologise for the way things had gone down and I wished her all the best, and she said that I was weird for doing so and that I was creating bad blood. I just decided to leave it there, I have no wish to really interact with her again or speak to her, it's just messed my head up how someone can be so one sided and I just wanted someone else's viewpoint on the situation – as my head has been in a bit of a spin. I wrote a post a few weeks ago highlighting the going to decorate thing and how it was playing on my mind – the responses did help me see the situation differently, and did give me the confidence to ask her what was going on.
I'm sorry for the essay, I guess there was a lot to get out for the situation to be explained. I appreciate anyone taking the time to read through this and give me some solace.. Thanks reddit.
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